


Thaw Me

by AiriKenobi



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Friendship, Gen, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-01 13:29:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15144107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AiriKenobi/pseuds/AiriKenobi
Summary: After being ignored and become a cold person, those who are responsible for the transformation of Hyejoo try to return to her life. Could be friendship the key to freeing her from her cold fortress?





	1. (Egoist) Prequel

I can't tell when everything around me started to get so colorless, lifeless. In an instant, we were four friends, with promises of eternal friendship, and in the next moment, there was no room for me in them lives.

Sooyoung unnie, the person I always thought would be there to correct me and warn me about things in adult life, was suddenly too busy. Jiwoo unnie, who was always there to cheer me up in times of doubt and make me smile in difficult times, had no time, always helping Sooyoung, following her, like the good dongsaeng she was. And Chaewon, whom I had always been closest to, who at every moment held my hand, the person I was not afraid to be me and worry about being judged for playing the fool, the person I felt the connection and love was something unbreakable.

I was wrong.

I began to notice the change in the behavior of my friends at one of our meetings, where we sat at a table and talked about everything and nothing at the same time. Sooyoung unnie said it was our quality time with each other. It was noisy, they all wanted to talk together and celebrate about good things happening to us and be happy for each other. That afternoon, nothing was like it used to be. It was as if we did not speak the same language anymore. As Jiwoo and Chaewon listened intently to some story of Sooyoung, I felt as if I had disappeared. It was as if I did not have space to speak and it felt as if my unnies looked at me impatiently every time I opened my mouth.

In group conversations, it seemed that anything I could say was not interesting enough for them, that soon they would change topic and often to things I would not have the ability to speak, even if I wanted to. The sensation was repeated and seemed to increase with every encounter and every message sent and not read or answered badly. Soon my desire to speak and to see them diminished to the point where I simply could not go to the meetings.

"Hyejoo-ah, we miss you," said Jiwoo unnie, on the other side of the line. "Come for just a few minutes! I'll buy you that ice cream you like," I could feel my own smile forming through the words, but there was such an anguish in my heart that the warm words could not warm it. Then my expression turned serious again.

"I'm sorry, unnie," I say, feeling my throat tighten at every word, hurt by my own lie. "Can we schedule another day?" I asked as I always did, with no intention of actually going. I heard her sigh from the other end of the phone before answering that everything was fine and saying goodbye.

I felt my knees weaken as a sob burst from inside me, with sobs that hurt me each time he forced me to get the air I lacked. Everything around me seemed so dark and cold, and I did not even seem to have a voice to scream for help. Something inside me would break and the fine pain inside my chest seemed to walk slowly to my heart, squeezing it, breaking it even more.

I remembered then the good times, the silly laughs and jokes that only I and my friends would understand, and for a moment I thought that would be enough to cut the feeling that had consumed me for a long time, but it attacked me now with full force. The memories that had always been colored appeared faded in my mind, like old pictures, and the last memories, where I was no longer seen by the people I loved most, glowed painfully, making me blind.

I prayed for their names, hoping that I might be rescued from my pain and loneliness, hoping that someone would emerge as a light from the darkness that insisted on drowning me in bitterness, but my prayers were never answered.

Who knows how much time passed until the latent pain became part of me until I accepted that there was no one to shout for, there was no one who could gather my pieces, there was no one who could hold me until I could feel myself exist again.

Suddenly the thoughts that cut me inside simply did not hurt me anymore. I found myself being the only one to take what was left of myself, rising from the ashes of my old self. Taking me on the promise that I would not let anyone else touch me or hurt me again.

I would be self-sufficient. I would love only myself and that would be enough.


	2. (Frozen) Oneshot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning. Be safe :)

They all avoided exchanging a long look, intimidated by their lack of expression, which made some people loath to approach. Hyejoo, before a lively girl, happy with life, playful, always in the company of her friends and unnies was disappearing, until there is this new version, totally different than it was before.

Chaewon and Jiwoo exchanged a worried look as they watched from a distance, unsure of what to do. It had been a few months since the maknae between them had answered one of their messages and even longer since they had spoken in person. Hyejoo simply began to create a distance between them, speaking less and less as they gathered, and even less in their group or individual conversations. Jiwoo tried to call her, but recently she was just going to the mailbox.

This led them to the current mission: "Where is Son Hyejoo?"

They had been watching her from a distance for some days — Jiwoo's idea, of course — from the cafeteria in front of the establishment where the young girl worked as a cashier after school. They did not expect this kind of radical change of personality and aura so suddenly.

First, they thought it might have been for some love interest, but the idea began to look ridiculous after watching the giant maknae coldly reject some guys who tried to talk more than necessary to her. Then they assumed that the job was stressing, but the movement was not extreme and there was always someone who helps her. Having no options and deductions, Chaewon and Jiwoo decided it was time to approach and ask Hyejoo herself what that cold personality was about and why she kept ignoring them. But it was easier said than done.

“Well,” Jiwoo began uncertainly, “it's not like she's going to tear our heads off and show off as trophies as she parades around town." Chaewon would have laughed were it not for the seriousness of the moment. She was worried.

“But it is not easy to talk to someone who stares at you as if expecting you to catch fire or explode.” Said the blonde. “Are you sure you do not remember saying or hearing anything out of the ordinary the last time you spoke to her, unnie?”

“Do not call me unnie, we're friends.” Jiwoo snorted, but let it pass. “Nothing out of the excuses of being busy and being able to score at another time.” She explained for the nth time in those two months since they last spoke.

“It's my fault.” Chaewon snorted. “I was the closest one to her, and I should have noticed something different when she started to absent. “Jiwoo sighed, taking the hand of the youngest that was on the table between hers, pressing it to try to give a little courage.

“You should not talk like that, as if Hyejoo was not ... reachable.” She shifted her words, aware of the weight of what the younger girl was assuming. “She's right over there, with a frown worse than usual, but she's still our Hyejoo. It's not too late.” The younger girl nodded and stood up, feeling that she had enough energy to face an unknown battle.

////

"Thank you for the purchase, good afternoon.” Hyejoo thanked formally after delivering the order to a customer, who nodded, hurried to leave. She did not seem to notice, as she continued to stare intently, waiting for the next client to approach.

She heard the sound of the door being opened again and she turned to greet the new customers, with what would be her most friendly expression to her, but this one ended closing as Chaewon and Jiwoo approached carefully, like prey they know they are invading their hunter's area.

“Hello, Hyejoo-yah~,” Jiwoo greeted smiling energetically, trying not to show that she was intimidated by the cold look on her. Chaewon nodded in acknowledgment, attentive to the mood swings of her friend who had given no more signs of life. “It's been a while, hasn’t it? How are you?” The youngest of the three breathed deeply, trying to calm down. Seeing her friends — or ex-friends, if she could call them that, — was affecting her more than she wanted to admit. But she would not show it.

“Unnies.” She bowed slightly and looked back. “Can I help you guys with anything?” She watched the two of them exchange a long look and felt the same as the other times they had met a few months ago. Why did they have to go there to continue to torture her like that, leaving her out?

“We wanted to see you. Chaewon announced, bravely enough to walk up to the counter and watch the brunette closely. “You haven't been to lunch for years, or you answer us.” Seeing that the younger one wouldn't speak, she continued, “We were worried. Hyejoo felt his face contort itself in disbelief at what he heard. She did not remember anyone went to help her when she was falling apart.

Chaewon stepped aside to stand side by side with Jiwoo, seeking support for what was to come. They swallowed as the air in the shop grew heavy, as if there was not enough oxygen, while Hyejoo opened a sinister, almost wicked, crooked smile.

“No need to worry about me, I know how to take care of myself.” She watched as a new person entered the store and greeted her as if nothing had happened. The two older girls chose this moment to take a deep breath, relieved they did not have that deep focused look on themselves.

Chaewon watched her for a moment as she was clearly being ignored as Jiwoo, who seemed to begin to doubt her goals at that moment. The older woman stared at her uncertainly. She did not know either. Everything around this new person frightened her.

“Sooyoung unnie would like to see you, too.” The blonde started trying to continue the conversation. “She must be free now by the end of the afternoon and you should work a half shift, right?” The taller one rolled her eyes as if their presence made her feel bored.

“Yes, but I've been working overtime to raise some money since I want to graduate abroad.” She explained without much emotion.

“You never told us that...” Jiwoo commented after the silence that dragged thanks to the shock of the news. They had agreed that as soon as the dongsaeng was formed, they would all travel to Jeju Island in celebration and then spend a season in Seoul.

“It's a recent plan.” She shrugged unconcernedly. “Unnies, could you go? You are distracting me.” Jiwoo gasped clearly offended and making a pout to catch herself from complaining loudly. Chaewon took the lead.

“It's all right.” She said calmly holding the older woman's hand. “We're going, but if you change your mind about lunch, or if you want to have dinner, you can call any of us. We'll be waiting.” The blonde took a hesitant step toward the taller one, wanting to say goodbye, but lost her courage as the other's brown eyes came to her, inhibiting her from any further movement than go away.

Hyejoo watched them move slowly to the door, or at least that's how she saw them as they left, but they seemed to wait for her to call them back.

Honestly speaking, the young woman's desire was to call them, to say she missed them and apologize for her indifferent and rude behavior, but something still held her heart and her feet in the same place. Deep in her being, she felt that none of Jiwoo and Chaewon's words were sincere.

She took another deep breath and swallowed those feelings to hide them inside her, along with the other memories. She did not need any of that or anyone else.

/////

Jiwoo stirred the straw in his glass filled with strawberry milkshakes, almost ripping the lid. They were back at their headquarters, facing where Hyejoo worked.

“That child, honestly!” She muttered before taking a sip of the icy liquid to calm down. “She should not be so intimidating just because she's tall!” The younger girl smiled briefly before getting serious again. She feared for what was on Hyejoo's head. No one changes that much in a short time. “Do not worry," Jiwoo said suddenly as if reading her thoughts. “We'll fix this.” She tried to assure more to herself than to Chaewon without much confidence.

“If only it were that simple ...” Chaewon took another sip of his iced latte and passed on the whole conversation. Deep down she was expecting a different treatment.

Both of them were ridiculously close. The kind of friends who know each other's likes and dislikes and shared secrets. She knew that she knew a side of Hyejoo that Sooyoung and Jiwoo had never seen, just as Hyejoo also knew things about her that her unnies wouldn't understand, though they were all very close to each other.

"What are you thinking?" Jiwoo asked her to get back to the current time.

“Remembering last summer when we went to the movies.” Jiwoo smiled knowing what it was, but let it still air, as if she could relive the moment if she concentrated enough. “You and Hyejoo wanted to watch a horror movie while Sooyoung unnie and I wanted to go to a restaurant.” She smiled again as she recalled how the two had convinced them with their aegyos. “The four of us hold hands all the time and you two have paid the bill as an apology for the traumatic experience.” Jiwoo laughed, reliving the memories in her mind as well.

“It had been a good movie, followed by a great meal with the best people. It was a good time.” She sighed and watched the younger woman on the other side of the street a little more irritated than usual. “When everything is fine again, we will make new memories like that.” Jiwoo wished he did not sound so emotional, but the uncertainty and confusion about what this new Hyejoo was doing were getting out the best of her.

With the sound of notification on her cell phone, the older one came back to reality.

“Sooyoung-ah must be here at any moment,” Jiwoo announced after reading the message. “Maybe she obeys the oldest unnie.” She snorted, feigning irritation.

The two of them continued their spying until the arrival of the eldest, who smiled at their effort.

“What kind of dramas were you guys watching?” She asked as she sat down next to Chaewon at the corner of the table.

“Jiwoo was obsessed with Seonam Girls High School Investigators last week." Chaewon shrugged. “I'm pretty sure she has an incredibly expensive camera in her bag.” Sooyoung tried to move closer to look at the bag, but Jiwoo was faster, placing it in her lap and pressing into her arms.

"And we'll marathon all the next time everyone goes to sleep in my house." The air again stiffened again, reminding them of why they were there.

"Did you manage to talk to her?" Sooyoung reached out to see Hyejoo in her job. It was not hard to see that she was irritated by the uneasy way in which she stirred the goods on the counter, arranging them roughly.

"She kicked us." Jiwoo groaned. "She said we were distracting her, but we know full well that this is the emptiest time in the store." The older woman stared at her for a moment before sighing heavily.

"Do you really want to go on with it?" They looked at her in surprise. "I don't understand why she's doing this, neither do I remember doing anything to her, so I don't know if it's worth all that effort. She may just be growing up." Chaewon shook her head in disbelief at what she had just heard.

"Do you want to give up your friend?" She asked, narrowing her eyes at the older woman and leaning toward her.

"That's not what I said." She countered, folding her arms and pulling herself back against the wall. "We just have to consider what she wants." What if she wants to be apart and make new friends the same age as her?! There are a lot of other possibilities."

"Maybe so, but we're not going to decide anything like that since we still do not know why she's acting like this." Jiwoo intervened, trying to soften the mood. It would not be good for Chaewon and Sooyoung to argue and distance themselves as well. "She should leave soon if she lied about overtime." She reported after looking at her wristwatch.

"Then let's wait and catch her in the act." Sooyoung said, stealing Jiwoo's milkshake and drinking it.

////

 

Hyejoo quickly said goodbye to her boss and his colleagues, and then went home. She'd worked she normal half-turn period, but it looked like she'd been there for over 24 hours, through the tiredness of her mind with all her drained energy, thanks to Chaewon and Jiwoo.

"Worried." she snorted at herself for the nth time. She felt so bad about those words and wanted them to be real. "Attitudes speak more than words, after all," she sighed, trying to convince herself.

She walked unhurriedly down the street to the small commercial part of the city, already buzzing with the bars and nightclubs. She let the chill wind of late afternoon tease her hair, hoping it would cool her thoughts a little.

"Hey, Hyejoo-yah~" She could hear Jiwoo's voice above the noise of the town, which frightened her. Searching around, she entered Jiwoo and Chaewon accompanied by Sooyoung.

"They brought reinforcements." She swallowed hard. Sooyoung could go from a lovely person to extremely rigid according to the occasion, and see by the way she treated Jiwoo and Chaewon earlier, she should not expect the sweetest words of the older one.

Sooyoung and Hyejoo stared at each other for a moment without speaking. Chaewon and Jiwoo watched far away with expectations. The moment only dragged on until Sooyoung sighed loud enough to break the tense air.

“We need to talk.” Sooyoung decreed with no room for discussions. It was better to go straight to the point than try to understand what was happening to Hyejoo by just looking. She turned to walk to one of the shops, but not before facing Hyejoo, challenging her to disobey her. Jiwoo followed Sooyoung, of course, and Chaewon stayed to accompany her.

“You know, she's just being tough because she cares about you.” The blonde broke the silence since the taller did not move, nor did she appear to want to follow the two older ones. She offered his hand coming closer, but when it was close enough, Hyejoo finally walked away following the others.

"Are you sure you're not being too ... huh ..." Jiwoo started behind Sooyoung as she walked slowly for the others to reach them.

"Harsh?! Not really." She answered without looking at her. "We set her free to come to us and look what happened." Jiwoo could see the worried look on her rigid face.

"It sounds like a mother talking," Jiwoo said, laughing. "You don't think it's going to make her move away?"

"More?! I don't think that is possible." She dismissed Jiwoo's worries and entered one of those restaurants with separate cabins.

“Well, yes. More.” Seeing that the older woman ignored her, she sighed. "Just be careful with your words." Sooyoung, at last, looked at her.

"Okay." Jiwoo rolled her eyes at the little concern she'd made with her words. At least she and Chaewon would be there to help ease the mood.

The two of them waited for the two younger girls to approach and finally to choose a table. They caught the farthest, almost back in the establishment. After they sat down, Chaewon, Sooyoung, and Jiwoo on one side and Hyejoo alone on the other side of the table, they all remained silent, unsure how to begin the conversation. Jiwoo, the most talkative among them, didn't have the courage to even breathe.

"What happened to us?" Sooyoung asked in a soft voice. She hoped it would help Hyejoo lower her guard. "You were fine the last time the four of us met."

"Are you sure about that?" The youngest questioned, leaning forward, intending to confront her. Sooyoung did not back down.

"So what don't we notice? Could you tell us?" Hyejoo leaned back in her chair, folding her arms without looking away from the older woman.

"If you knew me well, you'd know." Chaewon and Jiwoo gasped in disbelief at the answer. The youngest, however, held her breath scared by Sooyoung's serious expression.

"What kind of answer is that?! It wasn't what I asked for, much less what I want to know." Her voice was not loud, but Hyejoo felt as if she was screaming. Her confidence faltered even more as the older woman moved closer to the table, watching her from above as if subjugating her. "I must admit then that I do not know you since I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Ha Sooyoung unnie!" Jiwoo warned, pulling her to rest her back on the bench. "Hyejoo-yah, you don't have to act this way, as if we were strangers wanting to invade your life with our mess." She said looking at her, wanting to show that she was there and wanted to understand what was happening.

"Sorry for not noticing that something was happening and taking some action." It was Chaewon talking now, also trying to calm her down. "You're important to us, and we want to sort out any misunderstandings." The blonde tried for the third time that day to approach Hyejoo, trying to reach her hand on the table, but at least contact, the brunette had already turned away, looking offended.

"I hear apologies, but it still seems like I'm being charged.” Hyejoo sighed tiredly at the whole conversation. At that moment she felt the weight of the others' eyes suffocate her. At that moment Hyejoo was being bombarded with emotions that she did not want to deal with, since in her fantasies where she found all three again, she would come out on top, leaving them with a jaw dropping. Of course, in fact, the three of them were more stubborn and this almost moved her. Almost.

"Why don't you cut the bullshit and answer at once what we mere mortals did to Son Hyejoo, the incredible one, who never does anything wrong?" Sooyoung grew tired of all that performance and exploded at once, this time really raising her voice. "I do not like to see my friends humiliate themselves and you act like that! We do not even understand what's going on, but it seems like you're using this to come out on top!" She snorted irritably at the end.

"I told you-" The older woman's sharp look to keep her from repeating herself was effective, Jiwoo observed, now watching the younger girl squirm in the restless, angry seat. A long moment of silence passed as Jiwoo and Chaewon watched them both. Sooyoung looked ready to hold Hyejoo by the throat and make her speak at once, while Hyejoo seemed to be staring back at her, but staring into nothingness at the same time, self-conscious about what she was about to say.

"You've finally said something we can agree on, buddy. Let's get to the point then." The older woman raised her eyebrow in scorn. "Since I did not have the slightest importance on our beautiful friendship wheel, I decided that I should spend my time with just who I really care about: Me." She shrugged as if explaining a simple thing of if understood "And I'm sorry for you. Lose someone like that because they did not give a damn ... " She snapped her tongue mockery. 

Chaewon and Jiwoo stared at her in shock at the words of the girl who had always been so attached to her unnies, asking for help and wanting to talk. Sooyoung tapped his foot quickly, trying to control herself to not explode once more. Jiwoo noticing the sudden movements of his unnie, rested her hand on Sooyoung's knee to calm her. The move did not go unnoticed by Hyejoo, who inspired loudly in debauchery and feeling excluded once again. Chaewon looked rendered, not knowing what to do or talk.

Hyejoo lifted her chin, keeping his posture straight. This was not the time to be weak. She swallowed the cry that was beginning to form in the back of her throat. She wanted not to feel bad about the things she was saying, but once she had started, she would be done.

"I got it, I'm disposable. And everything is fine. I don’t need the remnants of anyone's attention. You should start thinking the same way." She stood but paused for a moment before turning to leave. "We don’t have to pretend about our friendship anymore, okay?! Don’t waste your time or mine. Goodbye." She lifted her chin one more time, watching them from above and running away. The three of them remained silent, still absorbing everything they had heard. Sooyoung sighed loudly, irritably.

"I lost my appetite." She commented almost casually. "Can we walk for a bit?" The two quickly agreed to follow her out of there.

///

Hyejoo felt more miserable than usual. Everything she'd avoided thinking, the memories, the feelings, the homesickness, everything was collapsing, as was the fortification that kept her inside herself. The world around her seemed even more faded than she already saw, the air in her lungs seemed to push her ever deeper into her ocean of confusion, choking her. The walk to her house was no more than a blur, which only calmed down a little when she heard the sound of the bedroom door closing behind her. It seems that she is distressed, fiddling in her closet and bed looking for something without knowing at least what. She just wanted the world to stop and give her the opportunity to breathe, regain her posture, and get on with her life.

She took a deep breath and ignored her inner mess for a moment, gathered some clothes and went to bathe, hoping it would calm her down, but she did not succeed. The hurt feelings of her friends as she put an end to their friendships haunted her every time she closed her eyes to try to compose herself. She knew their interest was sincere, but she began to feel so embarrassed and so pressed with all that attention, with all the guilt that consumed her, that she saw no other option but to run away. She regretted her actions and was aware that she could not get her words back. It was all destroyed now. Her eyes burned, but the tears did not come out and this only made the agony within her grow, preventing her from breathing properly. He wanted everything to stop, for all the noise, guilt, and loneliness to stop. In her mind, she could see his pale wrist stained in bright red and the numbness that would follow to make her float out of solitary existence. Even with the urge to escape being big, when she opened the bathroom medicine cabinet and found what she was looking for, she did not have the strength to even pick up the box where the slides were stored. Frustrated, she slammed the door shut.

She had to find a way to escape herself or else she would go crazy. Then, she decided to take a walk around the block, and so she dressed in jeans, a T-shirt that was a little big in itself, and a dark jacket to protect herself from the chill of the night that was beginning.

"Hyejoo ?! Will go out today?" The girl looked startled at her mother who was about to unlock the front door to enter the house when Hyejoo opened it. She hid her surprise for a moment before thinking of a plausible answer.

"Yeah, the girls called me." The woman smiled in satisfaction.

"Thank God you've spoken to them again. Chaewon came here last week, but you were at work. She looked worried." The older explained a little airily, remembering the occasion. Hyejoo felt even more guilty at hearing here, but he pushed the thought away.

"Well, I'm going," Hyejoo said goodbye to her mother with a tight embrace and began to walk aimlessly.

////

“And what did you want me to do?! That I would continue to look at that sullen face and wait for her to explain herself?! It was obvious she was only playing with our patience.” Sooyoung yelled at the empty park, answering Chaewon's question about the way she had treated Hyejoo.

The three of them were there for some time now. They entered the topic Hyejoo after a long period of silence, afraid of their conclusions and what it also meant for the friendship between them.

"We do not have to raise our voices, okay?" Jiwoo got up to examine the older one, then looked at Chaewon. They were both frustrated, not at each other, but at the situation.

"I thought we could fix things. Sooyoung stared again at the two younger ones. "But she doesn't want to know about us anymore, even if hurts me to say it, we have to move on." Jiwoo sighed sadly, hugging herself to shield from the cold night and the air between them. Chaewon snorted in disbelief.

"Oh really?! Are you going to start acting like she does not exist now?" She asked irritably.

"Chaewon-ah, we went after her, we apologize for whatever is going on in her head and it didn't help. We have nothing else to do. This is not the Son Hyejoo I knew." Sooyoung tried to speak as calmly as she could. "I didn't want that to be the end either. "I'm going to miss her, yes, but I'm not going to run after a friendship that has died. That would only hurt me." Chaewon let the anger aside, understanding the side of her unnie.

"Unnie, I respect your decision, but I don't think we should give up." Sooyoung looked at her impatiently. "She may be in trouble, and maybe she did not want to open up with all of us together. Maybe if I talk to her alone ... "she thought with her buttons. She would not accept her best friend out of her life that way.

"You can get hurt," Jiwoo said worriedly. Sooyoung sat down next to Chaewon on the bench, holding her hand.

"If she sends me away, I will. I only want your support if I don't get a positive response." Jiwoo and Sooyoung stared at each other for a moment before agreeing.

"Just promise us you will not push yourself for it.” Asked the oldest one.

"I promise." The three of them hugged each other and decided to go home to end the day. Chaewon would try to talk to Hyejoo later.

////

The young woman walked through the busy downtown streets in a hurry, sometimes running, sometimes with quick steps. Even with physical exhaustion, her mind was noisy, unbearable.

She did not know what she was doing there. In a moment she had so many words in her mind, with so many unspoken words and answers she wanted to have given, and in the other, she was at a party where the air seemed laden with cigarette smoke and the sour smell of drink. Perhaps it was the music with the bass so loud that made her vibrate inside that had drawn her to this unlikely escape route, maybe it was the idea of cleaning her mind in other ways.

The place was full of older people, all accompanied by another person or some kind of drink in their hands as they talked animatedly.

"Hi-" It was the only thing she could understand when a guy approached her with a stupid smile and eyes that looked sleepy. "...-a drink?" Hyejoo pointed to her ears, intent on showing that she could not hear him, but as she considered what she had understood, she nodded and let the guy drag her by the shoulders to the bar.

////

Chaewon was lost in thought, her heart pounding in her chest from the earlier conversation, wondering how Hyejoo felt to get to the point of being such a selfish, mean-spirited person who was not afraid to spill words that hurt.

And even hurt by Hyejoo's words and deeds, even if seeking her hurt her ego, the blonde kept hoping to bring her back if she tried hard enough. She just needed to know where to start.

The sound of his cell phone ringing took her out of her confusions and questions. She looked at the device in shock before looking at Jiwoo and Sooyoung, who were looking at her curiously. The three of them were sitting at the bus stop waiting for their driving.

"It's Hyejoo's mom ..." she explained before answering the call. The older ones watched in silence as they listened to the conversation. "Yes, we met early, but we didn't combine anything for dinner ..." The woman's voice grew louder, that Jiwoo and Sooyoung could hear from afar. "She did not say where she was going?" More screams. "OK, don't worry. I'll call her and take her home." She hung up the phone scared.

"What was this? Hyejoo ran away from home?" Jiwoo approached worried.

"She said she was going out with us." The three of them looked at each other worriedly. "I-I'll call her." She searched her contacts and quickly found the name she was looking for. She called several times until she went to the mailbox. "She's not answering!" She cried, frustrated and frightened, fearing for the worst.

"We need to stay calm now, okay? Let's look for her. There are not many places she where can go." Jiwoo took both of their hands to try to calm them, but she was afraid too. "I'm going to look around her house, Sooyoung looks close to her work and you look downtown. It will not be difficult to find it. Everyone knows each other here, okay?" She said more to herself than to the others, who nodded. "Any news, send a message!" With nothing to add, they all set off in different directions.

///

"Damn weekend! How can you have so many people around here?" Chaewon thought angrily as he watched another group of girls in the hope of finding Hyejoo making new friends.

 

Chuu at 10:23 PM:

Nothing here.

I asked some people, but it seems like it's been some time since they've seen her.

Are you guys any luckier?

 

HaSoo at 10:26 PM:

Nothing yet, but I'll keep looking.

 

Me at 10:28 PM:

Here it is very full!

Jiwoo unnie, come here and help me.

 

Chuu at 10:29:

On my way.

 

Chaewon closed the conversations application to try to call Hyejoo again. After the tenth attempt, finally, someone answered.

"Hyejoo! Where are you?" The blonde tried to understand, but the loud music and noise prevented her. "Hyejoo, it's me, Chaewon! Please say something!" She heard noises and sound of conversation until the call ended. The little girl snorted anxiously, lost, not knowing what to do. She quickly typed to the others that Hyejoo seemed to be at one of the parties, and they all decided to go one by one until they found her.

With all of them now knowing where to look, Chaewon felt more confident. She tried to call once more and the call was answered again.

"Hyejoo?!" Chaewon shouted in hope that the brunette could hear beyond the noise.

"Chaewon-ah ... I'm very tired ..." Her concern has been high now that she can hear her friend's drawn voice, slow as if she were almost asleep.

"Where are you? I have to meet you!" Hyejoo did not answer for a while, and that made Chaewon squirm feeling helpless. She hurried her steps in the hope of finding any clue where her friend was. "Answer me! Don't switch off, please!" She focused on the background sound, recognizing the music that played.

The blonde ran out of the party that was pushing everyone and anyone who came in her way.

"Hello?!" The call had been resumed and voice was not from Hyejoo, Chaewon soon noticed. The place was also less noisy.

"Where's my friend? Why do you have her cell phone?" She asked again, feeling stressed again.

"She drank too much and too fast. You need to come and get her in a hurry." The person also passed the address of the place and was not far from where she was now. As soon as she ended the call, she tried to warn Sooyoung and asked her to talk to Jiwoo.

In a few minutes, she entered the party that stank of cigarettes and cheap drink, but full of people who seemed not to bother with it. She looked around the corner of the room full of people dancing, hoping to find her friend, and it was not long before she found her lying uncomfortably on an old black leather couch.

"Hyejoo!" She shouted half-relieved and half tearful in stress. Noticing that the other did not respond, Chaewon seated her and shook her by the shoulders. The brunette then opened her eyes slowly and smiled at the sight of her.

"Chaewon-ah came ..." She closed her eyes again. The blonde had a bad feeling about it. She shook her a few more times but had nothing but intelligible babbles in response.

"Are you her friend?" An equally worried older boy approached. Chaewon nodded quickly, returning her attention to the unconscious girl. He held back the cell phone to the blonde. "She was with a boy. I thought they were friends, but when she was in the seventh bottle of soju, he left." The blonde looked at him in surprise.

“She never drank! In life!" It was more exasperated. The boy sighed in concern.

"You need to get her into an emergency now. If she spends more time with so much alcohol in the system there can be very serious consequences." Chaewon tried to keep her awake until the others arrived to help her.

"Chaewon," she called in an alcoholic voice, "I do not want to be alone. Help me." Hyejoo fainted again, making the smaller one even more nervous.

With difficulty, but moved by the adrenaline, the little girl managed to lift her. The stranger helped carry her through the crowd of drunks and people dancing until they left the party. When they reached the outside, they found Jiwoo and Sooyoung, who as soon as they saw the situation, screamed desperately for any taxi passing and helping them. When they got one to stop, the three hastily and worriedly put Hyejoo in the backseat on Jiwoo's lap and Chaewon, who held her, so she would not choke if she vomited.

"Unnies, she's not breathing!" Chaewon warned, her heart beating frantically. She could not let her best friend die in that stupid way.

"Her heartbeat is also very weak." Jiwoo noted as he checked the girl's wrist. She stared at the body on her lap, feeling her eyes start to burn with the tears she was trying to hold.

"We're coming!" The driver also warned them.

"They've got a stretcher ready in the emergency room to get her, we just need to get there in time," Sooyoung replied as she ended a call on cell phone, trying to appear as calm as possible, despite the shaky voice.

“Please, hold on!” Chaewon cried, squeezing a hand larger than her own. She didn't care about crying anymore.

When the car stopped in front of the hospital, everything became a blur for all of them. Everything happened so fast in their eyes, there was sound, but at the same time, it hadn't. Sooyoung went down quickly, grabbing the soft body in they laps and leading her to the stretcher. Chaewon cried out loud when she heard that her friend's condition was serious and that she would have to undergo a resuscitation process, the blonde collapsed on her knees, not holding the force of her crying. Jiwoo wept beside Sooyoung, who watched Hyejoo being taken away and her friends in despair. She took a few deep breaths to keep herself strong. She knew she would have to take on that role at that moment to be the support the others needed.

It was not long before the girl's parents arrived and joined them, waiting for news. Silently everyone prayed silently so that Hyejoo could survive without sequels.

A time later, that seemed eternity, at last, came the news: She had been diagnosed with an alcoholic coma and now underwent a rehydration and received glucose so that her body returned to normal, but it was uncertain when she would wake up, but with the smile more comforting he could give, the doctor replied only that it would be “soon.”

Everyone could breathe more relieved by the good news, and a new promise was made.

///

Her eyes and throat were burning, it was the first thing she noticed. As she tried to observe the place, she closed her eyes quickly, still very sensitive to deal with the artificial light and all those white walls. There are voices, but could not identify what they were saying.

"Water," she said, still with his eyes closed. She could feel her lips parched, too.

"Hyejoo?! Son Hyejoo?!" She muttered something in confirmation, risking her eyes to open again. "Please, do not move too much. We have some instruments connected to you." The brunette nodded and took the glass of water offered. Soon quick steps could be heard, along with some voices.

"Did she wake up?" She looked at the door and found three girls staring back at her. "Hyejoo-yah?! Do you know who we are?" The little one with bangs questioned looking at her with as much anticipation as the others.

"Hello, unnies." Hyejoo greeted them awkwardly and timidly. Everything about that night and the conversation between them seemed like a blur, but she still remembered things she wished she did have not said.

Chaewon ignored the rather strange weather, passing between Sooyoung and the doctor, who was still examining the brunette a little paler than usual, hugging her carefully to not bump into her serum.

"Do not you ever scare us like that again. She asked tearfully." Hyejoo let her mask collapse and allowed herself to cry as well, hugging her friend back tightly.

"I'll give you some time." The doctor gave an encouraging smile to Jiwoo and Sooyoung, who were still watching the two outside the room, still afraid to approach.

Sooyoung inhaled loudly, ready to take a step forward, but gave up at the last second. She had been harsh with Hyejoo, and she feared it had been the fuse for what the other had done.

"Everything is fine now. It's a fresh start for all of us." Jiwoo took her hand, giving her the best smile that could calm her unnie, pulled her to where the two younger ones were.

"So how did you sleep for two days? Did you dream something cool? Jiwoo asked excitedly as she sat on the bed, taking care not to bump into Hyejoo's serum. Sooyoung accompanied her. Chaewon had pulled one of the chairs, were the three of them had been previously, to the side of the bed and held the brunette's hand tightly as they talked in low voices before, but now the two were paying attention to the older ones, who are still clumsy at the situation.

"Honestly, I can not remember, unnie." Hyejoo replied shyly, but Jiwoo didn't seem to care.

"Maybe you woke up after dreaming about the kiss that would wake you? Would not that be nice ?!" She continued to question even more excitedly. Her other three friends stared at her with a big question mark in her head, not knowing where Jiwoo could take those things at such random times.

"Doramas." The three of them came to the same conclusion together after exchanging some strange glances at the little girl and then laughed at the coincidence.

"Yah! What is so funny?" Jiwoo questioned full of aegyo and placed her hands on waist dramatically. Sooyoung rolled eyes at her, ignoring her as he always did in those moments.

"How are you feeling? Do you want something?" The oldest asked Hyejoo. She could not look into her eyes, still with a sense of guilt bothering her. The youngest reached Sooyoung's hand, intertwining her fingers.

"It's all right now, unnie." Hyejoo gave her a small smile to reassure. Sooyoung smiled openly, squeezing the hand that held her firmly.

"I think it's wonderful because when we leave here, we're going to the cine to watch this new animation that came out." Sooyoung raised her chin bossy, then laughed.

"Huh, well, will you pay for me? Would not you rather play a match with me? I'll lend you one of my accounts." Hyejoo made a little joke too. She felt good, welcomed and loved.

Watching the relaxed face of her friends, she knew she was reciprocated. Maybe she had gone before, and she had been blinded by things that did not matter anymore. At that moment, she knew, she was really happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand that's it! Thanks for reading and for all the kudos. It's mean a lot to me <3 I hope you've like it ^^ And again, sorry about any mistakes (probably a lot lol).
> 
> PS: View in Sonatine.

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language and I'm kinda using google translate for write this?! It's just a lame attempt but, you know, I have nothing to lose doing this, so... :) 
> 
> Hope you've enjoyed this ^^
> 
> Notes for further understanding:
> 
> Selfishness. Definition: It is the habit or attitude of a person to put their interests, opinions, desires, needs first, to the detriment of the environment and the other people with whom it relates.
> 
> Dodgy Personality Disorder: A person with elusive personality disorder avoids intimate and social contact with others. People with this condition can be extremely shy, afraid of being a fool.


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